
I supervise practitioners who are reflexive and willing to apply a relational model - often using "the 5R's" as a way to reflect on the helping relationship. This supports them to slow down, see themselves in the therapeutic encounter, and consider how they may have (unwittingly) contributed to a rupture or ripple.
Recently I was talking with a colleague who was saying that it feels brave to do this: putting yourself in the relationship and leaning into reflecting on the 'in between'. This got me thinking about why it might be hard to do this. I wonder if some of our contemporary training leads us to believe we can't give anything away about our own responses? Do they discourage us from naming what we notice about our own experiences in relationship or in the therapeutic dynamic?
To be able to be empathic and authentic in a helping role, we typically use our selves in the working relationship. The in-between' or the 'inter-subjective' space, where we connect with another is filled with possibilities. In helping roles, we often come with the best of intentions, hopes, values and ideas. Sometimes this leads to strong connection and a collaborative, caring experience. At times, it can take time and work to bridge that space and find ways to engage, see and meet one another. And sometimes things can go awry in that process: our intentions, hopes or ideas may not be experienced or received in the way we think or anticipate with the other person or in systems around us.

In order to be realistic and accountable in the ways we work, we need awareness of, and ways to reflect on our own responses. This supports our capacity to have a shared dialogue about our own role in the 'in between', as this influences, shapes or reinforces our experiences of ourselves and the other, the working relationship, and therefore the "work" itself. When we teach relational skills, people often find the 5 R's method to be a supportive and accessible way of reflecting in the moment and afterwards on interactions in helping relationships. I feel rebellious even suggesting that this is often core of the work......reflecting on relating....in the moment between the client and therapist too!
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